Bad Sunday: Eragon, Emma Shapplin & Dogs

BAD FILM

Eragon
Well, it is a shit book in the first place, isn’t it?  This little kid writes a book which blatantly includes every popular fantasy thing he has ever read or seen; i.e. Star Wars, Dragons of Pern and Lord of the Rings, but that’s not my problem with this film.  Okay, so the source material lacks imagination, but hey, it has lots of ingredients that could possibly make this an interesting film, but it fails.  It fails at epic proportions.  It has dragons.  That’s the first sign that it should be good.  The dragon saved Reign of Fire, because dragons can save anything.  Because they are FRIGGIN’ AWESOME.  But this film’s badness actually outweighs the awesomeness of the dragon.  I’m telling you, that takes a thick pile of badness for that to be achieved.  Other signs include the genius composer, Patrick Doyle.  Then you have Rachel Weisz, John Malkovich, Djimon Hounsou and Robert Carlyle on the cast billing.  I would love to add Jeremy Irons to that list, but if you ever saw Dungeons and Dragons you’ll be fully aware that he is no safe bet.  Either way, that’s an impressive cast, with an impressive composer.  But it just does not work.  It’s so bad you want to cry tears of blood.  You want to know what went wrong?  Everything.  Just everything.  They cast a lead that could not act, the dialogue is incredibly painful and there. is. no. fuck. ing. story.  What is WRONG with film makers these days?  Why is everything so anti-plot?  NO.  None of this anti-plot nonsense.  Put it back in, for christ’s sake!  Imbeciles!