Bad Sunday: Queen Eliza & Twilight
It’s that time of week. Bad Sunday. Where I write of bad things I have come across during the week. Are you wondering where last weeks Bad Sunday got to? Tough luck, because this tradition starts today. I don’t want you to think that I’m a bad, negative person so I will start Good Fridays too (you see what I did there?)
You simple, rabid little girls. Twilight is bad Literature. Indeed, enjoy it all you want, even I did a little, but accept that it’s bad writing, please. No. Nobody cares that the film had Edward and Bella have the conversation about vampires in the forest instead of the car. We don’t give a fuck. We are rational human beings. Someday, somehow, you too, will be rational. We hope for you. We really do.
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
What the fuck happened here? A great film about the Spanish Armada and a strong Queen Elizabeth’s trying journey into winning against all odds? No, that’s just what it could have been. Instead we have a lovesick queen pining over a terrible Clive Owen. This is not what Queen Elizabeth is about. Where was her great speech of Tilsbury? What the? One of the best speeches in history, and the film only very partially uses it. You fuckwits. It would have been just about the only decent dialogue in the film. Why’d you let it go? The actual battle with the Spanish is like a five minute montage at the end of the film. As to the Catholics… wow. Just wow. I mean, the Catholic Church is not particularly my favourite institution but, really. All Catholics are evil! Apparently! Couldn’t you be a little bit more original, people? AVOID.