Bad Sunday: Eragon, Emma Shapplin & Dogs

BAD FILM

Eragon
Well, it is a shit book in the first place, isn’t it?  This little kid writes a book which blatantly includes every popular fantasy thing he has ever read or seen; i.e. Star Wars, Dragons of Pern and Lord of the Rings, but that’s not my problem with this film.  Okay, so the source material lacks imagination, but hey, it has lots of ingredients that could possibly make this an interesting film, but it fails.  It fails at epic proportions.  It has dragons.  That’s the first sign that it should be good.  The dragon saved Reign of Fire, because dragons can save anything.  Because they are FRIGGIN’ AWESOME.  But this film’s badness actually outweighs the awesomeness of the dragon.  I’m telling you, that takes a thick pile of badness for that to be achieved.  Other signs include the genius composer, Patrick Doyle.  Then you have Rachel Weisz, John Malkovich, Djimon Hounsou and Robert Carlyle on the cast billing.  I would love to add Jeremy Irons to that list, but if you ever saw Dungeons and Dragons you’ll be fully aware that he is no safe bet.  Either way, that’s an impressive cast, with an impressive composer.  But it just does not work.  It’s so bad you want to cry tears of blood.  You want to know what went wrong?  Everything.  Just everything.  They cast a lead that could not act, the dialogue is incredibly painful and there. is. no. fuck. ing. story.  What is WRONG with film makers these days?  Why is everything so anti-plot?  NO.  None of this anti-plot nonsense.  Put it back in, for christ’s sake!  Imbeciles!

Seriously Recommended: Jade Valerie’s “Bittersweet Symphony”

Bittersweet Symphony by Jade Valerie is by far my favourite thing to have come out of my Christmas stocking this year.  And I am not saying that lightly as I was given over a dozen albums, seven DVDs, a bloody keyboard, a gorgeous photoframe, a custom made calender and a Wall-E toy (it’s so awesome, by the way!)

This isn’t really a review.  This is a desperate plea.  A plea to every European out there.  FUCKING BUY THIS WOMAN’S FUCKING STUFF.  Why?  Because she is awesome, and is only big in Asia.  Asia.  How random is that?  Why Asia?  She’s American, works in Germany and lives in London.  ASIA?!  Where does Asia come into it? 

Christmas & Stuff

Hmm.  Christmas.  I have three of them.  I have a pre-Christmas with my best friend (which took place on Saturday 20th December), Christmas day with the household, and then another one on Boxing Day which, unfortunately, includes every single person from my family which amounts to fifteen people. *cries*

The day my best friend (dearest Adam) and I exchange presents is a mini Christmas in itself, since he always goes overboard (whereas I don’t, because I have no money, so he makes me feel bad).  In any case, he bought me five CDs, five DVDs, one book (Lolita), a few silly presents here and there, and last but not least, shit loads of chocolate.

Bad Sunday: Nurses, Sleuth & Kelly Clarkson

Yes.  I know.  It’s Tuesday, but I’m a busy lady, and I missed the Sunday.  So what?  You have something to say about that?  There’s a comment box.  Use it.  Either way, I have some things to say.  Oh yes, I do.

BAD ALBUM

Kelly Clarkson’s “My December”
I don’t rush out and get things when they are first released.  I’ll come across them when I am good and ready; you know, if they just so happen to cross my narrow path.  Such a meeting occurred on Saturday between this tuneless album and I.  Breakaway was alright, wasn’t it?  She seemed to have found a niche there, or something.  I’m not sure where she was going with this, though.  I mean… maybe you can play it as a game?  Spot the Melody?  It’s for adults only; it’s a very difficult game.  One thing is for sure, you can’t play it as music.

A Bit Of This And That

The title is for Emilie Autumn.  Ha!

The truth of the matter is, I can barely bring myself to write anything today.  My head is splitting and I am tired, as I spent the day at work.  I just want to say a few bits and bobs:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my mother, who is 48 today.  BLESS HER.

My Ma is 48 today. Don't tell anybody.

 

Nicola’s Top Ten Christmas Songs

10. Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas
We speak of the original of course.  I don’t know which is worse, the second or the third, but regardless, this one is brilliant.  For me, it’s not even that it’s for a worthy cause, it’s that it’s actually quite good!  The “FEED THE WORLD” chorus has a kind of sing-a-long-in-the-car element to it.  Sadly it’s a bit preachy, but the song is laced with so much nostalgia and Christmassy feeling that I can actually ignore the message in the song.  Happy days.

9. Kate Bush – December Will Be Magic Again
It’s just different, isn’t it?  I love her bizarreness and this track sounds like something Danny Elfman composed.  The atmosphere is great and the chorus has that eerie sense of magic to it (no pun intended).  It’s not like you can dance or jump to it, but you can watch Kate Bush being a bit of a freak, and that’s why we love her.  Or I love her, at least.

X-Factor Voting Figures

The voting figures have been released from series five of X-Factor.  I’m gobsmacked that Eoghan Quigg was leading throughout most of the series.  What is WRONG with you people?!  Alexandra Burke had a late surge, and was third from bottom in week seven.  I guess these figures truly show how fickle the public are.  And how much they fall for a sob story.  Scott Bruton second in the first week?  That wasn’t a sympathy vote for having a terrible song, was it?!  Come on, people.  Next year, please sort it out.  Take note of the singing, not the personal things going on, not what the red tops say, just the bloody singing.

TOTAL VOTES CAST OVER ENTIRE SERIES : 16,469,064

Show 1
Eoghan Quigg 21.19%
Scott Bruton 19.48%
Laura White 16.99%
Diana Vickers 7.35%
Daniel Evans 7.21%
Alexandra Burke 7.20%
JLS 5.03%
Rachel Hylton 4.77%
Austin Drage 3.63%
Ruth Lorenzo 3.47%
Girlband 2.17%
Bad Lashes 1.51% (Deadlock)

Show 2
Eoghan Quigg 26.77%
Diana Vickers 16.24%
JLS 9.21%
Laura White 8.99%
Austin Drage 8.98%
Daniel Evans 8.23%
Alexandra Burke 7.15%
Rachel Hylton 5.01%
Scott Bruton 4.17%
Ruth Lorenzo 2.95%
Girlband 2.30% (Deadlock)

Show 3
Eoghan Quigg 20.73%
Diana Vickers 15.13%
Rachel Hylton 12.21%

Shockingly Fantastic Books: Jane Austen’s “Northanger Abbey”

Shockingly Fantastic Books will be a weekly series by me, where I pick out one of my favourite books to write about.  All of the books in this series can be found at the bottom of the post, and they will be struck out as I write about them.

Northanger Abbey – Jane Austen
One of my favourite books of all time and unfortunately lays quite forgotten due to the constant whoring of Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility. Not a bad thing, since both are great books as well. This novel is not quite clear cut as the others as the heroines marriage is not really the centre of the plot. It’s rather a-coming-of-age affair as the protagonist, totally inexperienced in society, who only knows the world of gothic novels, has to come to terms with the things she has read, and what actually happens in the real world.

X-Factor Finalists That Got Record Deals

Oh, I don’t know.  I do not feel like thinking today.  Had another long boring day at work (don’t we all) and I have a massive home made shepherds pie in my belly that has made me sluggish.  So.  I basically feel like giving my verdict on every X-Factor finalist that got a record deal.  I am starting this without knowing how many artists this actually entails and will probably end up writing this article for over two hours like I always do.  But here it goes, in reverse date order.

SERIES 5

ALEXANDRA BURKE *****
She definitely has one of the strongest voices that the show has produced, and the deserving winner of 2008, but she does not have much originality.  There are already so many artists like her.  But she does have what it takes.  She has shown that she can take the pressure, shown that she can take set backs, shown that she can dance and shown that she dance.  Obviously.  Best of luck to her, but she will not be as big as Leona Lewis.

DIANA VICKERS  *****
Yes, I know she hasn’t officially got a deal, but let’s not be dense.  She’ll get one.  Vickers was my favourite of series five.  She has not the strongest voice, nor does she sing in a such a way that will maintain what she does have for long.  She was, however, quite original; for an X-Factor contestant, anyway.  I adored her version of U2‘s ‘With Or Without You’.  I was only sorry that the red tops picked on her, and that people were getting hung up on her hand movements.

Bad Sunday: Queen Eliza & Twilight

It’s that time of week.  Bad Sunday.  Where I write of bad things I have come across during the week.  Are you wondering where last weeks Bad Sunday got to?  Tough luck, because this tradition starts today.  I don’t want you to think that I’m a bad, negative person so I will start Good Fridays too (you see what I did there?)

BAD PEOPLE

Twilight Fangirls
You simple, rabid little girls.  Twilight is bad Literature.  Indeed, enjoy it all you want, even I did a little, but accept that it’s bad writing, please.  No.  Nobody cares that the film had Edward and Bella have the conversation about vampires in the forest instead of the car.  We don’t give a fuck.  We are rational human beings.  Someday, somehow, you too, will be rational.  We hope for you.  We really do.